Od Nyan'g Kibuore

I know it's been long since I last wrote. It won’t ever be that long again. Stop laughing.  I know I've used that phrase a couple of times here before. In the words of Kajuju my nursing supervisor during my first attachment at Mama Lucy Kibaki Hospital, yafaa nitoe cobwebs hapa. This was her favourite phrase for encouraging women not to let their reproductive systems lie fallow.

          'Wewe bado ni msichana mdogo na umeeka cobwebs zimemea hapo chini. Eka IUCD     (Intrauterine Contraceptive Device) ili mzee akutolee cobwebs bila stress'

The innocence, the passion and the unignorable vigour with which she said those words made it almost impossible to feel awkward when nosing in clients' sexual lives.

It's difficult to get free time in Aruji's home. When you are not harvesting maize, you are either susoring them, taking them outside to dry, taking the cows to the river, or arguing with irate farmers whose sweet potatoes have been badly damaged by some stubborn sheep.  December is also the month most young men who feel that their things have outgrown their hands erect their ‘simba’. In my community, bachelors’ houses are constructed by their peers. You have to work hard at such community events to avoid bearing the brunt of jokes and witty remarks as sharp as Kim Jung-Un's haircut.

The Luo have a saying that 'od nyan'g ok bwore' to mean that you cannot seek refuge in a crocodile’s house and expect to walk away free. Am not of course complaining.  Neither am I saying that Aruji is the crocodile here. I know she has spies even here and I have to be careful lest I be misquoted.

If the work load was huge, then the food was humongous. My youths (yes, I recruited a security force comprised of my little brothers and niece) even had the provision for a late night snack. When the lamps had been blown off to welcome the heavy blanket of darkness, three pairs of lips would still be heard crunching slowly, trying to avoid chocking on sweet potatoes. If you have ever eaten sweet potatoes in a hurry without an escorting beverage you know what I mean.  By the way Macky, are you feeding my junior youth the way her grandmother used to feed her?

Adebe says that I've grown fat in two weeks. It was difficult not to, not with the huge number of sheep and chicken cruelly massacred to feed our insatiable appetites. And of course Friday was Nyauyoma day. Nyauyomas are a special breed of fulu (sardines) that are neither too small or too big, neither too bony or too soft. My old man reminds us that when they were growing up they were so poor that they used to be served one a piece each sank in super-drum of soup.

I hope my 2015 girlfriends will understand that for us with political ambitions we are utterly concerned with growing our public opinion (stomach sizes) and in sowing royal oats (as investments for future tyranny of numbers.)

Whereas it 'breaks my heart' to depart from home, it’s good to be back in the city. In Nairobi am just but another hustler trying to survive but in the village, Nairobi people are little gods never mind that the majority survive by the grace of those at Anniversary Towers and politicians who hire them to heckle or throw stones (or shoes) at perceived enemies of the community.

As a Nairobian, you are a potential guests in all village harambees. Be it for some bright student joining a secondary school or for a church face lift. (That reminds me my home church has a huge harambee in March to phase out the old benches and replace them with modern pews with provisions for back rest and you are all invited.  I tell you it’s very difficult to dose off during a boring sermon without these back supports you take for granted.)

A Nairobian  is charged twice the pikipiki fare perhaps in a frail attempt to cover for the days they are not expected to contribute to the village economy. It’s worth it though. A man’s name is everything these sides of the equator.

So if yours truely here launches an MPESA paybill number to enable me get by this January, don’t be mean. Support a brother here. Meanwhile we make more money for December and plan for another livestock massacre. 

                 ‘Raura pesane rumo e sei’