The Nyayo Love Zone

Sometime next week you’ll notice similar posts on your timeline. Most of them will be from KU students who are just coming from a long long holiday. If you were stricken by the JAB curse you’ll know how long these holidays can be especially if your home is somewhere in Nyakemicha, Nyamira or West Pokot. 

And since these KU students are everywhere, you’ll notice when they post.

In my village when a man’s ‘thing’ has filled his hands, he is required to build a ‘lion’. Those who, for some reason, cannot build their own ‘lions’ are required to go ‘chase sleep’ elsewhere. And that’s what I hear good old Mugenda has decided to do.

Since you cannot build your own ‘lion’ in the university, all fourth year students have been asked to go ‘’chase sleep in Kahawa or Githurai or Ruiru or those little towns sprouting around Thika Road, sorry Thika superhighway.

However, that’s not what the good comrades will be posting on. You are likely to see statuses that will impress you, motivate you and put a smile on your face; A wry smile.

              Finally its coming to an end….I missed school!

              KU here I come

They are also likely to get creative and start hash tags and abbreviations that have capabilities of trending especially now that Kenyatta University is just as congested as Muthurwa Market. Something like,  

#TGIOT

You don’t know what that means? I didn’t know what it meant too until I invented it just now.

That’s an abbreviation for ‘Thank God Its Opening Time’!

It’s unfortunate that I won’t join my comrades in making such trends but I’ll be with them in spirit. 

It’s not that I don’t love my university; it’s just that barring any unforeseen circumstances like retakes and missing marks I should be an alumni soonest.

These are the few moments I wish all parents and lecturers could be on Facebook and Twitter. They could be impressed by the zeal exhibited by young men and women towards their education.

You and I however know that we don’t miss our 7am classes, nor the laboratory session or the takeaway assignments. You and I know that in as much as we miss the postmodern library, it’s not the books or the journals that appeal to us, it’s in the assurance that your unlimited internet needs are sorted out for the next three months. It’s in the knowledge that despite the university spending a lot of resources putting firewalls and blocking non educative channels like YouTube, you will always find a way of downloading the latest episode of the Vampires Diaries.

But that isn’t the main reason you want to go back. You miss exiles. Not being ‘beaten’ exile but ‘beating’ somebody exile. You have organized for a roommate who understands these things. If not, you are arranging for one. If not,………

When I was a kid and we used to play football all the good players would ‘yiero’ themselves and get into one team leaving a very imbalanced team that soaked in goals that would make Brazil look like angels. It goes without saying that I was always on the losing team. During those games I had more red cards than goals. But that’s not what we are talking about here.

I brought it up just to show you that good players need good players on their team.

In this regard, you need to avoid roommates who don’t have girlfriends. These are people who despite your best attempts to give them signs they won’t just leave. It’s during that time they see you with a beautiful lady they start boiling githeri.

These are the roommates that get you so vexed that you text them, “Buda niaje?’

There response isn’t just annoying; it’s embarrassing.

                             “Varaq,mbona unanitext na tuko wote hapa”

Once gain people, this is not about me or how to choose a good roommate. Talk to my secretary well, I may do that story. I know somebody’s life depends on it.

You miss campus because of Friday nights and Saturday nights and Sunday nights and any other night where you pay your weekly contributions to the Keroches and the EABLs.

You miss slogans like YOLO. All you say during the long holiday is AOL. (Am tired)

You miss your bareback dresses and your hot pants. You miss your kinky outfits which would warrant banishment should you wear them at the village. 

The main reason however why these people miss campus is the love zone. It’s beautiful just like in those romantic movies and Philippine soaps you guys watch. If you are a visitor to KU you’ll just know you are there. It’s like an endless queue of humanity mounting a guard of honor.

Here’s where men and women hold each other tight, whispering sweet nothings to each other making you feel

 “…damn, I need to get a girlfriend, something serious; something everlasting”.

The biting cold is no inhibitor to the perfect scent from your doting partner, the look on her eyes as the moon reflects. The love zone is picturesque. Perfectly leveled flowers on either side of the dim lights making the well mowed grass look like an endless beauty of a carpet.

It’s a lovely place to be. Couples come from as far as the leafy suburbs of Mfumbiro and the deserted hostels of Ruwenzori go there every night to renew their vows, their love and their commitment to each other.

In a cold night under the clear skies, people just glow and at that moment, mark my words, all you want is to talk till the sun comes up.

Here, guided by the gods of love, one just knows the right things to say, the perfect moment to listen and that perfect opportunity to lean forward and grab that kiss that you’ve done a thousand takeaway assignments for and carried huge loads from the main gate to Nyayo Hostels for.

You should meet the lovebirds when the sun is up. The night’s vows are all forgotten. Wherever possible people use different lanes and routes. You can’t blame them. This is a busy university. After all, their parents didn’t send them to campus to play Alejandros.

For my friends from Nyakimencha joining the good campus, your dreams are valid. Don’t worry about your accent, it will go away, it has to go away…………..if you are to act in the biggest romantic movie ever shot.

I’m out.

In Other News

My friend Sad News tells me he wants to vie to be the president of the Love Zone. He assures me he’ll put in benches and make the lights dimmer. He is also promising to lobby the university management for a music system so that couples can waltz and swirl to slow and soothing Celine Dion Music.

When I get more details on his presidential bid, I’ll tell you about it.