Characteristics of Maseno School Boys

So last week my old schoolmate Muga engaged me in a fierce but friendly exchange of ‘conglomerated alphabet letters in a structured way that makes sense’ over the world’s most popular social site about which stream in the Maseno Class of 2008 was superior to the other. If the queen’s tongue ain’t your first language like those of us born and bred by the lake and nurtured in the only original national school out of Nairobi, am simply saying that he engaged me in an argument on Facebook over which class was better than the other.

To actually understand this conflict between classes, it is important that I give you the scorecard in which to judge Maseno boys.

Apart from the umbrella differentiating people as ‘cops’ or ‘commoners’, there were these groups of ‘commoners’.

The Swatchists

These are the guys who always passed by Lambwe Valley before reporting to school. They loved their sleep so much that ten seconds after stepping into class they would be deep in slumber land. They didn't even pretend to struggle to remain awake when it was obvious they would succumb eventually.  Most actually perfected the art of swatching that with a steady head and fixed gaze it was impossible even for the most strict teachers to know whether one was attentive or not. 

Greasers

That water was a scarce resource was a given fact. With the ever busy Jacob’s well serving over a thousand students, the only other source of water was shadoofing. Shadoofing referred to extracting water from tanks using ties as ropes. This was however a very risky exercise that could get you sentenced to slavery. Some students however, maintained minimum interactions with water as if they were allergic to it. Greasers were those guys who never showered for the whole term. Ok, am exaggerating a little bit, they would go for a month without showering. Once in a while when the Holy Spirit intervened they would take ‘passports’. ‘Passports’ were quite popular because they saved resources used (water, time, space etc). Am not mentioning the class where most greasers came from.

Chomists

These were closely related to the greasers only that whereas the greasers exhibited gross insanitation in their bodies, the chomists had very dirty clothes especially the collars. The level of dirt on the collar was actually exothermic. These shirts were virtually uninheritable when the owner finished their fourth year of study. One even wondered why the owners marked the collars like vehicle number plates 05-4373 as if somebody would be mad enough to steal such grease.

Blockists, sychos and Slopes

You’ve probably heard that prefects in Maseno School were as powerful as Hitler, disliked like the Akidas and the Jumbes and loathed like bedbugs. They would punish you for any imaginary offence including smiling or letting your desk mate sleep in class. Never mind that would you be found waking a sleeping person you would be punished for not letting a sleeping dog lay. The people who suffered most were the slopes. These were the weak and vulnerable. They are the guys prefects went to harass as a sport. They who would accept any punishment bestowed upon them even by the frail and dwarf cops. The physically weaker prefects were actually the most creative as far as punishments were considered. The blockists were those guys, mostly able bodied and in form four or in school teams who refused to bow down to these modern day Mussolinis. The consequences were dire including the infamous trip to the dreaded deputy principal’s office. The long term advantage of going through this office is that it earned you street credit. As word spread around that you’ve gone through the fire and emerged stronger, cops begun taking you seriously. They would ignore some of your transgressions and negotiate with you. The sychos (short for sycophants) were the guys who licked boots in order to get into the prefects good books. They would buy mandazi and donate their shopping to the men in blue. The poor ones even forwent their allocated quarter of life to get a little peace. Once again Muga am not mentioning which classes had the blockists, the slopes and the sychos.

The snitch

They lived by making sure others died. There were those secrets that you hadn’t told anybody but still found their way through the administration’s intelligence service. How would you deny for example having a phone, an illegal contraband in school, when the deputy even knew the color of the case and the greeting message installed. In circumstances like this, you just had to ask for a few minutes and start collecting the different parts stored with different people and take the exhibit to the deputy’s office. It’s a shame these guys are not working for the government’s Intelligence Service. We could have been spared the shameful scenes from Migori. 

Poaches

As you are well aware of apart from the academic dominance, Maseno School was known for its stellar excellence in sports. To maintain this tradition, reinforcements had to be called in from time to time. These were the poachees. Most showed little or no enthusiasm for books. After all, they were brought in primarily to reinforce the sports department. Most came from schools where this military discipline was alien. Poachees were thus to be treated with maximum respect and excluded from certain school norms. You don’t expect a three time East Africa Basketball Most Valuable Player to be mopping now, would you?

The chichis

These were homosexuals, never mind that no one had been caught in the act. For one to qualify as a chichi, you had to have certain characteristics. You had to be extra clean. Whereas greasers and chomists were frowned upon, there was a level of cleanliness that was considered strange and gay. A real man was not supposed to shower everyday unless one was actively involved in games. A guy was not supposed to blue his shirt. A Maseno boy wasn’t supposed to talk in a certain way or move his hands in a certain way. It didn’t matter if you are from US; you had to speak your English like a guy picking rice one by one. Certain closeness with monos was also looked at with askance. Those who become uniform models for a long time were also to be investigated thoroughly and only cleared after conclusive investigation. Those who never ‘pandad’ (ate kitchen foods) and relied on biscuits and juice to survive were also adversely mentioned.

Scavengers

These were the guys whose parents abandoned them in the school without shopping or any pocket money. During visiting days whereas other students were hovering around the bus park expecting their parents and relatives, they would be walking around the compound marking those who carried heavy paper bags .Even before the  ‘goodies’ were properly stored they would walk with big bowls requesting for chicken pieces and slices of chapatti. Those whose fathers visited only waving their Nation newspapers would also join the scavengers at this time. In most cases, the scavengers ate even more than those who were visited.

Sanyist/Tibist

No relations to my friend Sanya…..to the best of my knowledge. Sanyists or tibists are what you people refer to as thieves. In Maseno School, there was a level of theft that was tolerated, in fact it was considered cool. Good stealing involved ‘harvesting’ shirts from the line, wearing them and then returning them back to the line in the evening for the owner to wash. ‘Personalizing’ stolen items was however frowned upon. Stealing was only justified if it was warranted. For example, if you requested somebody to help you with fried omena they carried to school or sablenya, a food additive, and they refused, you had the permission to break the side of the metallic box and take what you needed for that meal. This was referred to as butterflying a box. It was actually a way of teaching the greedy students that ‘hey, look here, we are a family’. Stealing other things like cash and books was however frowned upon. Interesting society, right?

The rumor mongers

These were the high school version of Niajes and Ghaflas. They were so talented in their art that they knew everything going around the school. They would know if the principal and the wife are having problems in their bedroom. They would know which female  TP (Teacher on Practice) was seen leaving Mr. Ojero’s house in the morning. They are those likely to know first when the principal will treat us to the awaited chicken. Most of the time they got it wrong but they provided much entertainment in an otherwise adverse situation.

"Assembly is Over!"

Breezers

These were those guys who had never been seen talking to girls. They were considered less men and so others just said hi to girls and provided directions just to be seen talking to a girl. It would be perfect if you were spotted by rumor mongers. Such incidences earned you street respect and in this jungle there was nothing as invaluable as that. However, those whose names were called in the evening assembly to go collect their letters from the prefect on duty were the school kings. The thirst for letters was real. In fact, during the evening assembly, form fours only hushed to listen to their names being called. There were actual rumors that guys wrote romantic letters to themselves just so that others could hear their names being called. Okoth Franklin Manyala, I swear I didn’t say your name.

Slicists

These were those guys. They waited for you to struggle throwing your lines and then effortlessly swooped in to close the deal. Most of the time they were guys from Nairobi who impressed many local chicks with their mastery of the sheng language and their unending drama aboard Easy Coach to school. I hated these people. How did they expect us to compete favorably when our journey to school was less than two hours of sitting in a sambaza and doing shopping at Shivling supermarket in Oyugis?

The scribes

Have you ever read a well written letter complete with dedications, catchy poetic phrases and written in well laid calligraphy? Looking back I think that’s when I really fell in love with poetry. From our corner in 2G, we could jot down letters, reread and exchange with Mzee Macabre before spraying and sending. The results were instant. We were soon consultants, writing letters for material gain. By the way Les, does Nadia still draw breath?

I would have gone on and described the Supersports people who even watched fourth tier league games while being rained on in the staffroom window and argued the whole week who was the better player between Puskas and Alfredo di Stefano. Most of them were actually from 4W. Did I talk about the Samburu? These were the guys who slept in Jaramogi Hostels, kept their tooth brushes in Willis House, kept their games equipment in Olang house and had their plates in Owen 111 House. 

4Y, now take your characteristics and leave the good ones for 4G.