Facing Aberdares

Karatina Town is like a bachelor's bed sitter; small but not crammed, not fancy yet adequate, packed  but still ample. Like a bachelor's house she has all the essentials of life, a post office, a supermarket, fresh farm produce, petrol station. All these are closely hurdled, as though almost kissing each other. Karatina doesn't notice when we get in, maybe like a shrewd spinster she's trying to get our attention by ignoring us. It doesn't matter, we are not here for her, we are here to pick Daisy and take her to prove her worth across the four ridges of the Aberdares.

Daisy is mad. The anger doesn’t in any bit interfere with her amazing countenance. She was even fairer in 3D. Her nails are as perfect as ……(Wait, she warned me against blogging about her nails).

She has been waiting for us at the Maathai’s Supermarket for the last two hours.

Of course we are stunned at the sheer inefficiency of Mr. Momanyi, the logistics officer. Daisy only smiles when we assure her that heads are going to roll. That the Convener/manager/founder/supreme hiker who is our great friend will not let this crime against an angel go unpunished.

 There was no better way to start a hike. Wait, there was. 

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I thought Nairobi represented modernity, civilization and everything upgrade from the village. The sight of a man and his wife in all manner of crude weapons battling themselves to the ground on Thika Superhighway quickly kills that. The woman's comfort and expertise wielding a boulder would put to shame even the most ardent Kogallo hooligans. Damn. She was good. I just pitied the man. In fact, he is a disgrace to the men community all over the world. There’s absolutely no justification for fighting a woman. It's even more embarrassing when you can't do it properly. I hope they had amazing makeup coitus after that.

We talk. We talk about sex and love, men and women. We talk about religion-not an emotional conversation based on the Kanyaris of the world- but intellectual discourse on the role and origin of religion.

We talk about the Roman Catholic Church and oppression, we talk about Alexander the great and company. We talk about inconsistencies in the Gospel. I didn't realize Traitor was this well versed in the Bible. He tells us about the fifth Gospel that was apparently scrapped.

We talk about Prophet Mohammed and his thirteen year old maidens.

At this moment am getting really uncomfortable. Out of experience I stay out of conversations on religion. There can never be consensus, there can never be an agreement on even the fundamentals. To some religion is man-made opium to the masses; to others religion is God himself.

Am relieved, no am excited when we start talking about sex. I may not know about the fifth gospel but sex is what I do for a living. Not doing you pervert, talking. Brenda is excited too. We talk about the government's plan to pay young girls between 15 and 24 to abstain. The males shout that that's feminist and discriminatory, the realists concern is the practicality and the monitoring mechanisms. How will the government for example prove that one is abstaining? Just to make sure the others are well aware that they are not in company of a 'person like this', I refer them to my articles in the local and international newspapers.

We talk about marriage and weddings. The traitor, even though unmarried is the expert here. He asks us if Adam and Eve just moved in or held a lush ceremony in the serene gardens of Eden. Despite having a free garden, security in the form of lions and leopards, reception of wild fruits and berries and God himself as the priest they still moved in. I’m not sure about that but am no authority here.

We talk about Ndovu and why it’s the worst drug a person can ever take.

We talk about Mandela and Gadhafi. Strangely we all agreed that the latter was the best thing that ever happened to Africa.

We talk about FUJOSONCRAFT. This was an exam that was done by the elite primary schools in Nyanza. Swab is the expert here. He hasn’t forgotten how FUJOSONCRAFT made him feel. 

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It's only a matter of time before we got to Karatina and pick Daisy.

(Just a quick question is it a coincidence that two Guinesses at Maathais cost 310 and Kanyari’s seeds cost 310 as well?)

We go past Kihuri Secondary School in Othaya. We talk about the difference between a high school and a secondary school. I dint go to either, I went to the school, and thus I can't contribute much. Daisy is the expert here, she is a loyal Sossion’s follower and she explains that a high school is just like Runda while a secondary school is like Kawangware.

After walking forever we get to the end of the tarmac. Apparently here is where the walking starts. I can't seem irritated because that may kill the image I'm building. Here the Convener is the boss. He shows off by rolling across steep slopes backwards. Here is his arena and he is king. We watch him impress the lasses. He reminds anybody who cares to listen that he has done this a million times. He is good. He helps ladies twice his weight across slippery slopes where if you slip you'd either kiss the live Aberdares fence or roll off to the stream below.

There's something refreshing about meeting ladies in the wild. Not jut coz they grab you like their life depended on it (well it does), but there's no pretense, no fakeness, ‘no ntakula 2 kidogo’. An orange across the electric fence is hunted and feasted upon. And apparently an orange is not just a fruit, it can be a game. And a very interesting game. To Lady X hope we continue with the game some other time.

And to Swab I'm sorry about the ram that hit you in the ass. I don't think it’s your fault. You were just paying for the crimes of the men there who have been taking advantage of his ewes. Hope your ass heals fast. (I'm trying to keep a straight face here)

Stuffy, sweaty, tired, hungry finally there it was. The Aberdare waterfall. Breathtaking. Awesome. Surreal. We stood there transfixed. Still. Taking it all in. Witnessing the flying water hit the bottom with so much life. So much fury. Never tiring. Never stopping. The least we could do was brave the chilling waters to take a closer look.

That's not to say that am falling in love with nature. That's to say I'll think about it. Hockey and writing won’t be pleased about that.

To the guys, you people were awesome, from the 'romantic' Momanyi to the 'heartbroken' Pauline, to the amorous couple, to coconvener Festo, to the bigger Luo and of course to Mzee KUCU mum.

The only disappointing thing was the unlabeled Kibaki's palatial residence. I wish he was from my village we could have made him a signboard for free...

Here lives champion of the economy, the president of presidents, the supreme leader, God’s gift to Kenya, golf wizard, loving husband to Muthoni and Wambui, father of the Kenyan people blah blah

blah 

Just one more thing:

                                     Aberdares, you should know people!