When K’Ogalo Comes Calling.....

If you follow sports news fairly well, you might have stumbled upon a piece by some sports journalist about the top ten stadiums in the world one needs to see before they die. I take great exception to the article because it had major discrepancies in the final tally. My bone of contention is that three of my favorite stadiums did not make it to that list despite an unpublished opinion poll done where respondents overwhelmingly fronted them as their favorites. EStadio de Vultures the home of the Vultures Hockey Team and City park Hockey stadium- the stadium to host the African cup of nations in September both failed to make it to the list. I would have taken that as a Kenyan (accepted and moved on ……..and waited for the revolution) but to add salt to the injury they left Tok Komwanda International Stadium! Now this is what lay men call City Stadium, the home of THE Gor Mahia Football Club.

If you have never been to a Gor game, then you are not a football fan. And when I say being to a Gor match I don’t mean stretching your legs and catching the match on Supersport 9 from the comfort of your neighbour’s house. The thrill of the game is first in the discomfort, the vast sea of humanity chanting and singing vulgarities; the sharing of laughter with a stranger whom you’ve probably never met before; the high fives and the easy familiarity forged by the resignation to the fact that your fates are  embedded together. It is the utter assurance that a fellow K’Ogalo fan will walk with you through the good and bad times, through wins and losses, through tears of joy and tears of gases, through rubber bullets…………... you do realize though live bullets are a different thing, right? A K’Ogalo fan driving a Mercedes will stop for you in the middle of the road and offer his chauffeuring services to the stadium pro bonno.

THE GOR AIRBUS

Everybody, I’ll repeat; everybody has some strong emotions that are not just very negative but also very destructive. This energy needs to be let out without the moral decorum imposed by society hovering in the air like a hangman’s noose. Being at a K’Ogalo game gives you the chance to vent, scream, kick the air, temporarily forget all your Njeri-caused problems and just focus on being happy. You become a marauding tiger, finally released into the wild from captivity, full of desire, eager to devour and crack bones. Some of you are wondering whether I work for the stadia management board and am advertising, well wonder no more. 

The main reason am writing this article is so that in any case photos or videos of me emerge singing  not Sunday school songs but those antiestablishment compositions targeting the good JubIEBCiary and the Jubilee government you should understand that I was made to sing against my will. If you also saw me alongside Jaduon’g Ragen diving into a moving  pickup on Jogoo road after the mighty K’Ogalo taught some team (I can’t really remember the name ) what football is please understand that that’s just K’Ogalo’s doing .

Owning the road

A K’Ogalo game is not just a football match, it is a social event. For an occasion to qualify as a social event there are certain distinguishing features that need be present including an appropriate date for the occasion and a dress code and in this two regards the game qualifies. Any social event worth its salt needs to bring together persons of different backgrounds who have a common interest and in this regard their unwavering loyalty to K’Ogalo fits the bill. Think of any distinguishing feature of an elite social event and I will give you the equivalent in a Gor game, a high table for a VIP stand, a toast for high five, a guest of honor for Baba.... j

Just as you are likely to run into your least favorite uncle in a family event, you are also likely to run into former schoolmates like George Odongo who wasn’t a hooligan back then when our brains allowed us to study serious subjects like Aviation in the school of men. 

When I mentioned about the date to the game, I should have probably been specific enough and added that a date necessarily needn’t be that girl you are trying to impress. There are of course several reasons why. The most obvious one would be that it is considered ‘nuks’ to bring a girl who is not a fan because it is believed to bring bad luck. Don’t ask me how the presence of Wambui would change the projections of a game but needless to say you cannot win an argument against a wounded K’Ogalo faithful. You remember the story of the turbulence that seized when Jonah was thrown to the sea, right?

On any match day, there is always the probability that the tickets are sold out and some of the genius methods of getting into the stadium might win you an award for creativity but not the coveted Nobel peace prize. Here I mean climbing over high perimeter walls, using human ladders and my new favorite creating a wave at the gate and pushing and shoving your way in. You however need to make sure you not the one kissing the metal gate or the farthest behind the this tidal wave for obvious reasons. It’s my new favorite because it prepares us physically  for the imminent revolution.

Another reason why you need not make an appearance alongside a brown Wambui is because it prevents you from watching the game. Football is a jealous mistress that craves for full attention though acknowledges some things  like a can of ‘something small’, songs or even a dances can be worth sharing it with.. Some of this ladies who wear a tones worth of makeup and do mind their nails more than they do the contents of their skull and their wigs and weaves more than they do good mannerisms would prefer watching the proceedings from the VIP lounges, sorry I meant VIP stands. A true fan will however tell you the place to watch the game is in Rassia alongside the not so modest fans.This is not just because of the feeling of belonging forged but for obvious comic relief.

In Rassia, you watch raw talent, real thespians, comedians, song writers do their thing live without prior rehearsal .That’s why one can only get disappointed when you get home to watch  Kenya's 'premier' comedy and Churchill starts narrating some wildebeest story. You even begin to wonder whether you are watching NatGeo World. Forgive my digression.

If this song goes ahead and becomes a bestseller you probably remember where you had it first…….

Mluhya yuak okuyu onyamo gweno

Mluhya yuak okuyu onyamo gweno

MaDVD yuak ouru onyamo gweno

MaDVD yuak ouru onyamo gweno……………×forever

If you don’t understand the words be grateful, some things cannot be unheard.

If your forte has been opening doors, being kind and gentlemanly, then a year’s investment might be ruined in a moment of frenzy. After the game she might just text you

Joe, I thought I knew you but the guy I saw today was ………

In this era of bestiality who knows what a lonely guy will do?Mount a crocodile or better yet,a porcupine?

As one rises up to sing the K’Ogalo nation anthem and bid Tok Komwanda International Stadium farewell, a certain sense of loss creeps in, but you carry the three points to the league summit and wait for the next victims to be named.

K’Ogalo, Gor, Gor Mahia

K’Ogalo, Gor, Gor Mahia

K’Ogalo, timbe duto yuak ne Gor

Leaving the stadium too is not just an activity has passed here. The K’Ogalo faithful leaves in stages.

There is the first group. They pass through Muthurwa reigning havoc and anarchy. They are very noisy,are large in number and pretty much get away with anything from picking(not looting) to hurling insults .They are then those once that follow closely, laughing at the crimes against Muthurwa people committed by the first lot. They are considerably less but walk bravely, rubbing in the salt knowing that should there be any confrontation the masses are not far away.

Then there is the last group of fans. This group contains people who stick by the decorum imposed by society, frown upon acts of outright vandalism but secretly wish to partake. This group also contains the passive fans who just make a fashion statement by adorning the sacred green and white. They follow the proceedings on twitter on their Kabambe phones through +8988 probably because they share a common DSTV decoder with ten other people in the block and since Njuguna’s girlfriend came they have been watching Man versus food all along. If you love your life don’t be among this group of latecomers. This is the group that gets into running battles with the men in blue and gives the Muthurwa hawkers a chance to salvage their pride by cornering twenty people and beating them silly.

Sometimes for the sins of the worst of the Romanovs, the best have to pay

The Summer Day is Done, Robert Tyler Stevens