Look at this beautiful lady. Look at her again. Look at her heels. Then go back to her smile. Do you recognize her? I know you do. She's the reason why one percent of Kenyans are smiling all the way to the bank. She's also the reason why most Vultures are deep in debt.
Today's
Guest Post is by Mr Kerre D'yesan. He's a blood brother. By blood I mean we
took a blood oath one night at San Siro, the official Vulture's Stadium
presided over by Shehe Kitivo. Kerre loves ugali, hockey and hot mamas in that
order. He's one guy I know who eats steaming hot ugali from the sufuria as if
they are popcorns. There’s this time I went for a one week class trip and left
him the key to my room. According to his sworn statement the room was burglarized.
Only one thing was apparently stolen. Yes, your guess is as good as mine. Unga
tu!
When
he's not playing hockey or FIFA, he does what any vulture does. Sometimes
he forgets to close the door in the process. In his free times he studies Animal Health.
I think his life long dream is to own one of those oversize white coats, make
cows pregnant and call himself dakitari.
And
oh, he's a disciple of the great Barney Stinson. He would be mad if I didn’t mention
that.
Ladies
and gentlemen, without further ado I give you... .........A team that
gambles.................
###############################
Sometimes it is one of either
options. Most of the time it’s what you least hoped for. All in all, something
just has to happen. Wait, I never said what it is. Anxiety is what makes you
hope. The knowledge of uncertainty just doesn’t go well with emotions. Here at Ambitions
Pub the game is boring. It is between a lousy Aston Villa and West Bromwich
Albion. I’m looking around hoping that the game will end soon so that we can
take our leave. I look at my phone, no calls from her, or them. No missed
notifications either.
I can’t just leave without any
reason. I look at my friends. Their knees are almost knocking each other.
Twelve minutes ago, Polycarp was drunk and uncontrollable. But now, he has his
eyes fixed on the screen as if his life depends on it. Maybe it actually does.
And so are the rest of the anxious and sweat dripping men who had brought me
here in the name of “bro, najua hauna kapesa, kuja tujinice uku, ntakushikia
kamoja”.
Nobody ever concentrates on these
looser games. Nobody that I know of......apart from this great friends of
course. These teams are both at the bottom of the table so they are not a
threat to the teams these guys are supporting. Am intrigued and ask what sudden
passion for low tier football has crept in. I get one of the three answers God
gives you when you wait but in a different version, “chill bro, nakuambia tu
saii. Ni extra time”
On inquiry during the break, I
realize that I was on this early kick off game simply because all these friends
wa kunishikia kamoja had bet for either of the teams. In campus today,
betting has become the easiest most anxious way of losing money. If you
ask Boka J Makaburi how much he has ever made in the
thirty nine months of betting in his life, he’ll talk of that one incident. The
famous incident when he bet four hundred shillings and made a whooping
twelve thousand! I say famous because everybody got to know about it. It was
hard not to. Not with Boka J buying everyone in Mbugus drinks that night.
By the way Boka never buys even his own lunch. He doesn't starve either.
Boka's story telling ability is
enough to make you bet your last one thousand in the hope of tripling
your money. That's not until you get to know he has actually lost over
thirty thousand since he placed his first bet. Betting might be that big
risk you want to take if you have money to use rather than money to spend. (Did
you see what I did there)
Betting changes people. I, for one
have never seen Lord Rungu an ardent Arsenal fan, wishing 'almost
to death' that Chelsea beat Newcastle. Less than a month ago he bought a whole
sheep because the result was to the contrary. He even attended church in a new
Giorgio Armani! Today he has placed three hundred shillings on Chelsea. He is
waiting for fate to do her thing.
He won’t take water at least six
hours before the game in case he accidentally splashes it out due to mounting
pressure. He keeps on wearing and taking off his leather coat. Shakes calls it
‘ile koti ya githurai’.
I know either way, he won’t lose
big. As the most Vulturised Chelsea fan, I will lose either way. If
Chelsea wins I lose because I didn't place my bet. If Chelsea loses the game
the fan part of me suffers.
Betting is fun for me as
well. Imagine what Poly will do if he wins the five hundred or so he expects
from this game! He might throw away his phone like a graduation cap and maybe
that's how God planned I own my smartphone. The man above knows am tired of
this dumb phones that only have flashlights and the Bounce game.
Lord Rungu will obviously buy
chicken and invite me to share the forbidden imondo. At least Boka go on
yapping for another week. I’m not expecting the results to go any different,
I’m hoping they win and lose respectively.
So what if I'm a sadist? Sometimes
life is all about me.
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