Wednesday 21 January 2015

GUEST POST: A team that gambles together...........















Look at this beautiful lady. Look at her again. Look at her heels. Then go back to her smile. Do you recognize her? I know you do. She's the reason why one percent of Kenyans are smiling all the way to the bank. She's also the reason why most Vultures are deep in debt.  

Today's Guest Post is by Mr Kerre D'yesan. He's a blood brother. By blood I mean we took a blood oath one night at San Siro, the official Vulture's Stadium presided over by Shehe Kitivo. Kerre loves ugali, hockey and hot mamas in that order. He's one guy I know who eats steaming hot ugali from the sufuria as if they are popcorns. There’s this time I went for a one week class trip and left him the key to my room. According to his sworn statement the room was burglarized. Only one thing was  apparently stolen. Yes, your guess is as good as mine. Unga tu! 

When he's not playing hockey or FIFA, he does what any vulture does. Sometimes he forgets to close the door in the process. In his free times he studies Animal Health. I think his life long dream is to own one of those oversize white coats, make cows pregnant and call himself dakitari.  

And oh, he's a disciple of the great Barney Stinson. He would be mad if I didn’t mention that. 

Ladies and gentlemen, without further ado I give you... .........A team that gambles.................

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Sometimes it is one of either options. Most of the time it’s what you least hoped for. All in all, something just has to happen. Wait, I never said what it is. Anxiety is what makes you hope. The knowledge of uncertainty just doesn’t go well with emotions. Here at Ambitions Pub the game is boring. It is between a lousy Aston Villa and West Bromwich Albion. I’m looking around hoping that the game will end soon so that we can take our leave. I look at my phone, no calls from her, or them. No missed notifications either. 

I can’t just leave without any reason. I look at my friends. Their knees are almost knocking each other. Twelve minutes ago, Polycarp was drunk and uncontrollable. But now, he has his eyes fixed on the screen as if his life depends on it. Maybe it actually does. And so are the rest of the anxious and sweat dripping men who had brought me here in the name of “bro, najua hauna kapesa, kuja tujinice uku, ntakushikia kamoja”. 

Nobody ever concentrates on these looser games. Nobody that I know of......apart from this great friends of course.  These teams are both at the bottom of the table so they are not a threat to the teams these guys are supporting. Am intrigued and ask what sudden passion for low tier football has crept in. I get one of the three answers God gives you when you wait but in a different version, “chill bro, nakuambia tu saii. Ni extra time” 

On inquiry during the break, I realize that I was on this early kick off game simply because all these friends wa kunishikia kamoja had bet for either of the teams. In campus today, betting has become the easiest most anxious way of losing money. If you ask Boka J Makaburi how much he has ever made in the thirty nine months of betting in his life, he’ll talk of that one incident. The famous incident when he bet  four hundred shillings and made a whooping twelve thousand! I say famous because everybody got to know about it. It was hard not to. Not with Boka J buying everyone in Mbugus  drinks that night. By the way Boka never buys even his own lunch. He doesn't starve either.

Boka's story telling ability is enough to make you  bet your last one thousand in the hope of tripling your money. That's not until you get to know he has actually lost  over thirty thousand since he placed his first bet.  Betting might be that big risk you want to take if you have money to use rather than money to spend. (Did you see what I did there)

Betting changes people. I, for one have never seen Lord Rungu an ardent Arsenal fan, wishing 'almost to death' that Chelsea beat Newcastle. Less than a month ago he bought a whole sheep because the result was to the contrary. He even attended church in a new Giorgio Armani! Today he has placed three hundred shillings on Chelsea. He is waiting for fate to do her thing.

He won’t take water at least six hours before the game in case he accidentally splashes it out due to mounting pressure. He keeps on wearing and taking off his leather coat. Shakes calls it ‘ile koti ya githurai’.  

I know either way, he won’t lose big. As the most Vulturised Chelsea fan, I will lose either way. If Chelsea wins I lose because I didn't place my bet. If Chelsea loses the game the fan part of me suffers. 

Betting is fun for me as well. Imagine what Poly will do if he wins the five hundred or so he expects from this game! He might throw away his phone like a graduation cap and maybe that's how God planned I own my smartphone. The man above knows am tired of this dumb phones that only have flashlights and the Bounce game.

Lord Rungu will obviously buy chicken and invite me to share the forbidden imondo. At least Boka go on yapping for another week. I’m not expecting the results to go any different, I’m hoping they win and lose respectively.

So what if I'm a sadist? Sometimes life is all about me. 



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