The cold silver cuffs close in
with certainty. The grin on Baba Sharon’s face is unmistakable. Talk of a man performing
his duty with relish and gusto. Just to make sure I'm aware who the boss is,
he tightens the cuffs further. It seems my grimacing face will make his day. It’s
now clear that he means business. The women and children playing rounders’ stop for awhile to stare at
the spectacle unfolding right in front of their eyes. The sight of a grown ass man being
lifted by the trouser will stay in their memories for a long time. The monkeys at the city park too are enjoying
this movie; even more than the women and the children. I understand; theirs is
personal. No, it’s not because I didn’t give them bananas, I did. It’s just
that that’s not the type of bananas they wanted. The one they wanted was lying
comfortably on my chest, tickling herself silly with the
dry jokes I was emitting.
Haki babe,u so funny.
These are the times you feel that
you are the man, that you are God’s gift to the female species. It’s that kind
of feeling that always gets a ninja into problems. In this case it was just a
matter of time.
Baba Sharon is leading me to a
waiting van. He reads me my rights. He says that my accomplice and I have acted
indecently and disturbed public peace contrary to the public nuisance ACT and
park’s management ACT. The evidence against me is overwhelming, he says. He gets
his NOKIA 2330C which allegedly caught the whole incident on camera just to remind me of the hard times ahead. He reminds me that video
evidence is admissible in court. I suppress the strong urge to laugh. Not about
the admissibility of video evidence but about the capacity of the said phone to
capture anything it’s purported to have recorded. Certain things are just too
funny regardless of the situation you find yourself in. I succeed in
controlling it this time, albeit temporarily.
The two gentlemen with Baba Sharon
are so pissed at me and they take turns reminding me of how am gonna pay for
disrespecting them.
In a heavy Bukusu accent, one of
my arrestors says, ‘sisi tulikucha kwa
amani,hadi tukakuonyesha vitambulisho za kazi. wewe ukatujibu kwa madharau,
unajiona mwanaume sindiyo. (dramatic pause here) Tutaona mahali uume wako itakufikisha”
His mouth reeks of a concoction
of cheap alcohol, tobacco and marijuana. He adjusts his Ng’ombe cap and tucks his shirt in menacingly as if getting ready
for war.
In spite of the dawning
seriousness, a strong wave of laughter sweeps through me. I calmly try to
explain it to him that I didn’t mean to disrespect them. I just felt there was
nothing wrong I had done to warrant an apology. After all, somebody lying on
another in a park is not a crime. Looking back, perhaps I should have stopped
there. Instead, I went on a rant on how the new constitution and several acts
of parliament and international instruments give Kenyans protection from
arbitrary arrest and mistreatment by law enforcers. I even reminded them that
one of them had been smoking in a public park contrary to the Tobacco Act of
2007. I wanted to desperately assure my companion that I was the man. I was not
only brave but also well versed in matters of the law.
This last bit seemed to have been
the straw that broke the camel’s back. Baba Sharon quickly called a guy who I
was later informed was their supervisor to hurry and write me a charge sheet.
Buda ,leo
unalala cell Parklands
It’s here that the seriousness of
the situation hit me. Whereas I might be innocent, the unethical nature of the
mainstream media and the unlimited space of the social media almost guaranteed
that you are guilty so long as you are accused.
Am imagining my dad buying a
copy of his favorite daily, the Daily Nation and finding his son among the stories that start with In Other News and with catchy headings
such as Youth Charged with Gross Indecency and an accompanying story of
what they felt I did. Media-attention-hungry witnesses to such incidents are
never that difficult to find. A woman who had been allegedly praying next to me
will shake her head in contempt and narrate how shamefully we were behaving.
She would then finish her sentence with a loud sigh of watoto wa ckuhizi! and quickly call people from her village to tune
in to news later to watch her.
What of the social media memes?
What of the gutter press?
City Park, the New Muliro Gardens?
Blogger
arrested for sex in park.
 |
| Uncontrollable sexual appetite buys human rights activist a space in city cell |
All I ever wanted was to be a
romantic boyfriend and take her to the park for a date with nature. All I
wanted was to do my community proud. All I wanted was to impress. And look
where that had got me- A small windowless room with three pissed off men baying
for my blood and an impatient girl giving me murderous glances from the corner
of her eye.
These are the times you begin
sweating profusely despite the chilly weather. Quick thoughts crossed my mind.
What if I pulled a Jack Bauer? I could use the element of surprise and pushed
these clowns into the pool in front and dash away with the girl evading
gunshots while carrying her to safety.
That would definitely gain me
points. And this game is all about points. She was still looking at me in that,
am here because of you face cursing
what kind of man I am. I had to do something. I had to be seen to be doing
something.
I ask to talk to one of the
soldiers outside.
He tells me hakuna kuongea, hata
ukinipa elfu kumi stachukua. Mkienda mbele unajua itakuwa elfu kumi na mbili.
And just like that, I was in the
negotiations of my life.
Unajua wewe ni
kama mtoto wangu Sharon, ntachukua hii lakini usirudie tena. Nimekusamehe juu tu mko umri moja na ako
University ka wewe.
Am still looking for Sharon …………
……………..This time not in the park
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